Random thoughts

Stopped by Apex today. Spent time trying to compose a song and it actually went pretty well.

Made Pastor Rob laugh.

Then I went to Kettering Assembly.
Made Pastor Phyllis Kennedy laugh.
Caught up with the music minister Pastor Ed Romera. He listened to my song and called my a songwriter. I talked him about how I have always had mentors for my writing but never really for singing and love of music. Which is weird comming from a family musicians. But they never did much to foster my talent, just let me find my own way. I have only had male worship leaders and they are usualy married so they feel funny I think working so closely with me and they are always busy. Its been a lonely, unproductive journey for me as a writer. People like my brother, Dave Hamilton and Vida, and Scott and Amanda Have accomplished so much artisticly than I have. And David was three years younger than I and left behind a much bigger legacy. Me? I have a folder of poems/songs noone has ever even heard. I use to sing solos in church with a background tape but than started getting too nervouse and almost having panick attacks. I hung out in choir and the church I go to know does neither the soloist thing or choir. I am not talented enought to do what those people at Apex do on Sunday.

Stomach feel icky. My heart feels heavy. The number of times I used the word "I" in theis past: atleas 10