Girls only!

For girls only!
if you are a girl read on for more!









Fairly recently for the first time ever at the age of twenty-four I have entered the worldo of dating. I have had some dates but never a steady boyfriend. I have also never kissed anyone (unless you count Edie Sweetnitch in gradeschool. And yes. I am not sure of the spelling but that was his last name!LOL Josh has only been a christian for two years. I am by far by no means a spiritual giant. We do, however, approach some things in life very differently and have had very varied experiences with the opposite.

Now, have you ever said something to the oposite sex and have second thoughts about it but you can't exactly take it back? Well, this week, I blurted out to Josh that I love him. But now I question if I used the right words at the wrong time in our relationship. It was at first hard for Josh to accept the idea that I might not kiss him ever, untill if the Lord should bring it about, that we should get married. It seems obsurd to some people but the more I read the more I believe it is the right choice for me. But I think to Josh, if I love him that means certain things. I worry that he is too concerned about just what we can do physicaly while I'm more concerned about what we shouldn't do. He way desires a level of physical intimacy, (lots of cuddling, lots holding hands, even putting his hand on my knee while trying to drive.) that sometimes is over the top for me. Which led me to wonder, is something wrong with me? If I love him, shouldn't I want to do atleast do some of things that a man and women would who care about each other do physically? Just where do you draw the line? I am holding fast to my ideal to not kiss man unless I am going to marry him. Its just something most young men don't understand. I believe that is the obedience the Lord has aske of me.

But why oh why did i hafta go and say I love him? Now Josh has told me feels that I am an answer to his pra yer. Wow. No pressure there, hu? Trying to be the answer to someones prayers is not an easy task. One of the difficult things in this relationship is that we don't know some of the same people. We have become kind of isolated but I think Josh recognized that because when we go bowling tomorrow its not just going to be me and him its also going to be I think his aunt and uncle and I think one other person. I think we do need to try and do more group activities. Just please, please pray for us. I did not use wisdome or discernment in what I said and I wish we had a mutual friend that if i ever had to have a seriousnes talk with him that that person could accompany and kind of be a mediator and a witness of what went on and what was said. We need accoutability and we need communion.

My true age.

You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

You Were a Deer

Graceful and gentle, you appreciate beauty and balance. A giving soul, you are able to sacrifice for the greater good.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Pondering my art and the art of others

I have enjoyed looking at the art in the Apex Cafe (at least thats what I call it). When it comes to art, I more enjoy photographs or pictures of nature people. Like this one. I do however respect the time and energy it takes to creat what Chris has on display and the work I have seen Amanda do (I would like to see more) even if I do need to have some of explained to me (by Amanda!) I just wish I could take more (writing poetry) and express it in similar way.

That is actually the reason I am writing this. I couldn't stop thinking about and have been tossing and turning while trying to take Sunday afternoon nap. I wish I could creat some kind of picture or background for this song that I expanded on. It more obviouse of how well it works together if I were to sing it but heres the words anyway:

Spring up oh well (spring up oh well)
Within my soul
Spring up oh well (spring up oh well)
and make me whole
Spring up oh well (Spring up oh well)
And give to me
That life abundantly

Oh there is a riven
Flowing inside my soul
It is a river (it is a river)
That will never run dry
Step into the water (step into water)
And you will fine
Love and mercey (love and mercery)
And peace divine
Come on and step into the water
Oh step into the water.

So,
Come drink of the water of the fountaine of life
Come and step into the crimson tied
There is love.
There is Joy.
There is peace divine.

It might be a stupid thought but the whole idea was really bugging me. I think the art display at Apex challenges me to explore my art, think outside the box and keep on even though its not on display where everyone can see or hear it. Art impacts people differently. That is how it impacts me. Apex, artist: Keep up the work. We need you!

HAPPY NEW YEAR (Well almost happy anyway)

I leave V's around midnight. Amanda ( it think it was Amanda) didn't understand why I had to go. I explained to her that I am driving my parents car and I promised I would be home at a certain time. Alas, when you still live at home and you drive your parents car you gotta follow some rules. Someone else couldn't understand why I didn't wait until the ball drop. I say,"Okay, in twenty-four years on this earth how many times have a watched the ball drop? Every year its the same thing: A buttoned is press, the ball begins drop. The ball evantually lands and confetti flies everywhere. But its tradition, my friends remind me!

But despite the encouragement everyone to wait, I am off. I had gotten turned around and Vida's nand Liz's neighberhood and ended up parking a little bit aways. While I am walking thru the parking lot I hear people counting at the top of their lungs. At one, I begin hearing chearing and the exploding the fireworks. Pretty soon, I begin to realize I am terribly horribly loss. After a few minutes I kinda start to get a bit concerned. I went the wrong direction and am once again terribly horribly lossed. Thirty minutes later I fine my car. Yes, you read it right. Thirty minutes later; on the nose.

But the bright spot is I got home okay. Also, I actually enjoyed my date with Josh this evening. Last time was fun to but for some reason I was just a little more relaxed. We actually came close I think to breacking up this weekend b/c we have some different views on some things but I guess we have worked things out..for now. He wants to introduce me to the motorcyle people he minsiters to but I can't bring myself to hang with him at a motorcycle club. I don't quite understand what goes on at these things and I think I would feel very uncomfortable. My mom would probably freak out! I can hear her now: "You went with him where?" Oh well.

Very long e-mail foward i recieved but vert encouraging to me

i hope this encourages u today

He is the First and Last, The Beginning and the End! He is the keeper of Creation and the Creator of all!He is the Architect of the universe and the Manager of all times. He always was, He always is, and He always will be ...Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone! He was bruised and brought healing!He was pierced and eased pain!He was persecuted and brought freedom! He was dead and brought life! He is risen and brings power! He reigns and brings Peace! The world can't understand him, The armies can't defeat Him, The schools can't explain Him, and The leaders can't ignore Him.Herod couldn't kill Him, The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him, and Thepeople couldn't hold Him! Nero couldn't crush Him, Hitler couldn't silenceHim, The New Age can't replace Him, and "Oprah" can't explain Him away! He is light, love, longevity, and Lord. He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God. He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure. His ways are right, His word is eternal, His will is unchanging, and His mind is on me. He is my Savior, He is my guide, and He is my peace! He is my Joy, He is my comfort, He is my Lord, and He rules my life! I serve Him because His bond is love, His burden is light, and His goal for me is abundant life. I follow Him because He is the wisdom of the wise, the power of the powerful, the ancient of days, the ruler of rulers, the leader of leaders, the overseer of the overcomers, and is to come. And if that seems impressive to you, try this for size. His goal is a relationship with ME! He will never leave me, never forsake me, never mislead me, never forget me, never overlook me and never cancel my appointment in His appointment book! When I fall, He lifts me up!When I fail, He forgives! When I am weak, He is strong!

When I am lost, He is the way!

When I am afraid, He is my courage!

When I stumble, He steadies me!

When I am hurt, He heals me!

When I am broken, He mends me!

When I am blind, He leads me!

When I am hungry, He feeds me!

When I face trials, He is with me!

When I face persecution, He shields me!

When I face problems, He comforts me!

When I face loss, He provides for me!

When I face Death, He carries me Home!

He is everything for everybody everywhere, every time, and every way.

He is God, He is faithful. I am His, and He is mine!

My Father in heaven can whip the father of this world.

So, if you're wondering why I feel so secure, understand this...

He said it and that settles it.

God is in control, I am on His side,

and that means all is well with my soul.

Everyday is a blessing for GOD Is!